Thursday, February 21, 2013

In Greeting a New Deck

|Credit: [x]|
Today, I decided that I would try and figure out how to work with the I Ching cards I came across. This system of divination is ancient and steeped in Chinese mythology. It's called the Book of changes. And ever since I bought that Kuan Yin oracle deck because of how beautiful the art work and messages were -- from The Fey Dragon almost a month ago now --  I've been coming across so many eastern forms of spirituality. Like it's been popping up out of nowhere. I don't look for them. They just appear, and usually in the form of a quote or article on philosophy that I really needed the most. I don't want to appropriate the I've taken to really researching before I consider even devoting myself to these mythologies. It's not my place. But it's certainly calling. And I've been appreciative of the zen philosophies since my bout with depression. I've practiced some forms of meditation since I learned that it would aid me in shielding -- and that was before I knew what Empaths were, that I was indeed one of high sensitivity, and how shielding had been helping me manage.

The I Ching though --  if any form of divination could make me feel like crying, this one is it. I have this strange, but useful habit of introducing myself to a new deck of cards -- be they tarot, oracle, Lenormand -- what-have-you. Even my set of the Runes and my Pendulum got a bit of an introductory message from me. For this, just like any other deck, I asked it what IT thought of me in terms of being a reader, a witch -- a psychic. I'll share with you my reading. Credit for below representations: [x]

I. Left One: 58, The Joyful / The Lake

II. Right One: 48, The Well

You read card I first, then II and then the lines of difference, in this case (from the bottom) 1, 3, 4. The I represents now, while II represents the future and the lines of change represents direction.

The Reading:
* All quotes are from the little white book that came with the deck, as written by Klaus Holitzka.

I. "Greatness...comes through joy. All the more is achieved with cheerful composure rather than grim earnestness. Your lightheartedness will rarely slip into arrogance if you remain aware of the seriousness of the situation. You feel committed to your ideals within."

II. "The Well symbolizes a deep and inexhaustible fullness of being from which every person creates meaning in life...we need to find the source of our true nature in order to reach fulfillment.Clarify your real desires, yearnings and needs. Push on ahead to the real and true values of life rather than sticking to superficial norms. In your inner core lies the source of your strength and clarity."

Line 1: "You are preoccupied with things not worthy of your consideration. Thus you are losing contact with your true needs and goals."

Line 3: "You  would very much like to put your aptitude and abilities to use. You feel underestimated and this rankles you. Beware of negative emotions. Your day will come."

Line 4: "You should now retreat and make contact with your own inner being. First get your spiritual life in order before trying to achieve important things for other people."

My Two-Cents:

Honestly, this is perfect. The cards judge me well, right off the bat. The direction refers to me predominantly focusing on the fact that I am alone (romantically speaking) -- seeking love, instead of letting it find me and focusing on studying my metaphysics like I should. Also, I've been getting frustrated with lack of direction in developing clairaudience. (UPG Ahoy, guys) I've been told by Loki that not everything is from a book. Not everything should be taken academically. Lots of things have to be trial and error and until I learn how to look at things more freely, let go of the planning and the schedules -- and let myself be just a bit more spontaneous, he's gonna stick around and mix things up when he wants. I get confused about chaos magic, other psychic things and energy work. I feel like I stumble and might fall into some vast unknown if I keep walking around blindly. But maybe that's not the case, as these cards are also telling me. Last -- as you've heard -- I am an Empath. I have a hard time not wanting to help people, which means being that go-to advice giver and listener. I would gladly talk for ages and not do any homework if it meant the other person could work through their stresses. It doesn't bother me. I love to help people and I love to be that go-to advice giver. But meditation is required. To become more aware, I need to focus on my path and what that actually means for me -- it's been a journey to get to this radical self-love state of being. But there's more path to walk, especially in terms of my psychic abilities. I scare myself sometimes, but I trust my intuition. It has never failed me. The cards respect me, I think. But, in order to progress, metaphysics has to preside over my trivial matters like "finding love," or doubting if I understand or if a theory is worth the energy it will take to test it and figure out if it's something that works for me. Or perhaps this might also hint that I stop being fearful of delving into research of eastern ways of thinking -- like I said before, I do not wish to appropriate or steal sacred practices from other cultures that are not sharing. Like I said earlier, I am being called. I keep stumbling upon information when I'm not even looking. Do the cards say it's time to step forward? If so, then I will -- just to see how this goes.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Divination in Excess

|Credit: [x]|
Well, maybe excess is a bit of a strong word, but I wanted to share what went on this weekend! I decided to open divination readings on my Tumblr just to practice the art of it. I have to force myself to make time for it because college keeps me busy, as you may have noticed from my blurbs this week.

This was the first of Saturday Divination for me, and I took a few too many requests -- honestly the choice was between homework and divination. So the choice wasn't actually much of a choice, hehe. But I finished typing it all out just before The Walking Dead started at 9pm. I didn't do a single shred of homework, and again I am behind. That is entirely my fault, however.

I think the practice is worth it. I love any form I can learn and practice, and besides that -- I'm the kind of person who likes to help. I also love when people respond with feedback as to the level of accuracy. That's the best part of it all. To know that someone, somewhere was helped.

But this week, not only is O.S.P.A. doing a workshop on Divination Tools, but I am also presenting on the Tarot on Thursday for a poetry art and writing project. Oh and not to mention, Rhapsodomancy practice for the blogs that will be due for poetry... this ought to be fun. I like how life opens up with opportunities right after the choice is made to immerse in divination -- that's pretty awesome.

But I'm done rambling for now. I'll write again soon! Thank you for dealing with my awful schedule this semester!

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Homework and Hilarity

So tonight is/was Valentine's day.

And for some, that means a night of romance. But apparently for my roomie and her boyfriend, this means hysterical jokes and laughing all night. It is now that I begin my homework due tomorrow. Again the blog suffers. But I will try to write a meaningful post sometime soon!

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Another Blurb About Time Well Wasted

Hello all!

Today's update? Still not done with homework and it's 1am! Oh such is the life of a college student. I'm also writing like mad for the upcoming Creative Writing contest and also to submit to our campus literary journal, the Great Lake Review. I got an email the other day that also said SUNY Geneseo's literary journal, the Gandy Dancer is accepting SUNY-wide submission. I'm definitely going to try for that one too.

For outside of class writing -- now I'm working on revisions to poetry and a nonfiction pieces, as well as writing new poetry whenever I have a spare moment. Not only that, but "A Harrowing Path" is still in the works, however slowly. I've got all these great ideas going on for it, but lack sufficient time to type the written work up. For class though, my short story "Son of Dragons" is up for workshop soon...hopefully that goes over well. I'll also workshop "Where Lightning Rends Waves" next while I'm writing my third story, which I have no idea about a title yet. That's a constant-in-progress thing.

Anyway. I had better get back to homework. Soon I shall blog something worthwhile.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

And School Calls Again!

Hello all! I just wanted to blurb and say that O.S.P.A. went so well today ~ It was the first meet of the semester. Only I'm just now sitting down to finish homework due tomorrow. I'll make up for all these short, spastic blurbs with something hopefully awesome as soon as physically and mentally possible!

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Coffee Makes Everything Better

(Hello everyone! This is the Fiction II class 'Artist Date' for this week! Enjoy the nonfiction!)

You know how sometimes you find yourself on a date with a really awkward person? Kinds that are very hard to understand or seem to be speaking in a strange, nonsensical mode of English? Well, that would be me on my artist date with myself – on a morning without coffee. Today I saw the world through under-caffeinated eyes. I don't even understand why this idea even popped into my head – it is ludicrous, at best. I woke up as the morning was shifting to afternoon and decided not to make myself a cup of coffee – I wanted to see how this would affect my worldview in all seriousness.

I sat until about half past three trying to focus on homework. I had no problems, to be honest. I got a small amount of work done for this class and for another. I would've liked to have written more poetry, but I noticed right away that my brain was not cooperating creatively. It was all fuzz and grey. I decided the best way to finish this awful artist date was to go to Lake Effect CafĂ© to remedy the lack-of-caffeine problem, and to see what the outside world would look like on a random Sunday. 

Well, I was lucky that traffic was not a problem, because under the circumstances, I was disillusioned. Usually I look up in wonder at the sky and the trees – but not today. I was cold, and the world was not as interesting as the prospect of a coffee and a good book. I think the day itself alludes to the fact that I indeed have a much larger problem. I've been chattering about how coffee makes everything better – because it does – but ignoring that I'm a sorry addict to the beverage. Healthy Snacky Stuff

So hey! I got my box in the mail the other day. And I have to say. It really is fabulous. I was supposed to write about this much sooner, but I wanted to try all the food first.

The idea behind is that you'd order these boxes (which, I might add, are only $5 for an actually awesome amount of healthy food) and you'd have four presumably "unhealthy" snacks replaced with healthy food. I prefer healthy food now-a-days anyway, so this is just an inexpensive way for me to afford to actually have snacks. Because at the store such a thing would be about $5 for a single snack, as you know.

I think the idea is perfect, and it kind of is a big help. I don't usually have a lot of food on hand, due to money issues and issues getting off campus what with my hectic schedule. But once a week, this comes right in the mail, and that's four days that I can have a snack at work or what not. Perfect.

When they send snacks, it's all kind of a luck of the draw. You can rate what kind of snacks you prefer on the site once you sign up with a code. The first and fifth box is free, but you'll have to find a code first. (And you'll need to search around on Tumblr if you need a code, because my four were all used up by now.) There is this chocolate covered honeycomb thing I really want to try, but I don't get to pick exactly what goes in. I like the randomness of it -- it's novel.

So this week, I had Florentine, Nacho Libre, Tutti Frutti, and Mississippi BBQ Pistachios.

- Florentine was my favorite. It consists of aforementioned dark chocolate, cranberries and pumpkin seeds. It's pretty much perfect and the combination all works well together.

- Nacho Libre is considered among the 'light' version of the already healthy stuff they send. I really loved the salsa almonds. It's just spicy enough.

- I am not so much a fan of pistachios because of how you have to open them and all... but this recipe was worth it. Not too salty.

- I liked the Tutti Frutti, especially the pineapple. I think the blueberry infused cranberries were unique! I am neutral about it though.

These are best enjoyed with tea, I have to say. Although and health food... seems like a legitimate combination.

But anyway, I don't review stuff much. I just wanted to get the word out about this! Hopefully some of you can join! (:

Friday, February 8, 2013

Little Pagan Things

|Credit: [x]|
I love to read about other people's UPGs on tumblr, because by the way I view things, all stories are interesting and there is always something to be learned from shared experiences. But somehow I get a little apprehensive about my UPG. And I don't write out huge posts in regards to that usually. But I read an amazing post today. And I figured it wouldn't hurt to share.

I don't worship gods exactly the same as other people do -- because when I started out I was looking for a different way to understand things. I didn't know, back in my time spent studying fluffy Wicca books, exactly what it was I wanted to understand. I set out offerings, researched and spoke/prayed to deities, but never felt any kind of personal connection. I went years this way. It wasn't until my freshman year of college that I connected with a deity -- and it was in a way that I didn't expect in the least.

It was the end of my first semester and a friend of mine was having trouble coping with stress. I was picking up on her panic attacks as I sat with her and tried to help her out. Panic in general is the complete opposite of me -- I had never had one in my entire life. I was at a lack of words to help -- couldn't find the words to say. I felt helpless like I couldn't be the friend I always said I was. Later on, when I was alone and able to meditate and try to calm myself down, I met Thor. In a time where strength was something I really needed, a deity showed up during meditation. He always has words of encouragement to say; he seems to be more of a champion for the humans -- in our conversations, which are admittedly very short -- he notes that I am capable of great strength, just not in the ways he is. That is enough. He shows up when I'm feeling particularly useless, even to this day. Every time it thunders, I always look up and say "Hello, Thor."

Time skip forward to this time last year. I decided I seriously wanted to work in poetry and figure out a way to integrate that into some form of living. Before I decided I would be a college Professor, I meditated frequently on it, and felt kind of lost -- at first I thought my writing was sub-par and wasn't sure on which direction to go in order to improve. At the time I was also researching for a paper that grouped all Germanic deities into one -- saying that Wodan and Odin are the same deity, but in different languages. In meditation, I met Wodan. I was told that in order to write better, I had to research better. I had to read texts in ways that allowed each culture their differences. It was strange and for a while hard to wrap my head around. But the aspect I met was concerned about academics and writing -- especially the poetry. He critiques as I imagine they critique in grad school -- in the "These are the negatives. Fix them" sort of way. Not in the "You did this well, but..." sort of way. I get a nod if I do something right. I get an earful if I don't.

Time skip forward to last semester, mid to late November. In conversations with one of my dear friends, I noted how I never really had a personal connection to a goddess. I had been trying to contact one who would give me a bit of guidance in terms of love and relationships -- and I learned based on how my relationships work with other deities that I would have to let them find me worthy -- and I had been unsuccessful up until a certain point. No Goddesses came to me in dream or meditation -- but for a workshop where a professor came in and introduced O.S.P.A. to shamanic journeys, I met Sunne in the upper world. She's the Anglo-Saxon Goddess of the Sun. In a way, she is the sun itself. She didn't explain much, but showed me that time changes things -- time gives us the ability to grow. Her job, she said, was to make sure that I grew. She would watch over me like she does the plants. I don't see her often, but I feel her presence inside my head sometimes as I wake up in the morning -- especially in the moments before the alarm clock goes off.

Finally, a skip forward to late January. I had been trying to work on my psychic gifts and learn new ways that magic worked, but seeing as I work mostly in clairaudience, I was having a tough time finding ways to verify my experiences or to "check" if I was working in the right direction. Opposite now I had to work -- I had to do this on my own without being overly analytical and academic. I had to try something before I felt I had found enough research. I had to trust in what I had the ability to do without a source telling me I had the ability. Over a card game, I heard Loki. He was the first that showed up in a way where I had to force myself to use clairaudience to communicate. He simply would not walk in during meditation -- and thus I haven't 'seen' him. Only heard him. That night, I listened past what I believed I had the ability to listen -- and had a long conversation, if you could call it a conversation, with Loki. In the end, what I got from it was this -- there are times when it's alright to be structured and academic, but in certain things life needs to be chaotic. I was promised that until I could accept that and integrate those energies in my own life by my own hand, he'd have to stick around. And I don't mind personally. I feel like this connection has helped me astronomically with psychic gifts, all the way from clairaudience right down to divination.

I offer words of thanks to all my deities. I wear a Mjollnir daily as a way to thank Thor. I've known and have had a connection with him the longest. I write poetry for Wodan and work as hard as I can to keep learning, and that gets me a nod on occasion from this aspect of him. For Sunne, I keep finding ways to integrate change into my life and I represent her on my altar with a female sun pendant. For Loki, I vowed to listen closely and have since been working on ridding myself of the self-doubt monster that blocks intuitive psychic things. If he shows up, he always gets acknowledged; he sounds so much different than other spirits which I can isolate and ignore if I so choose.

So that's my UPG in a nutshell. All of the above can be elaborated on -- but I feel like that would be a tl;dr moment for most.

Books Keep Secrets, Too

|Credit: [x]|
Here's a points-out-the-obvious-a-lot statement: Books are fantastic. But I found a way recently, with some random twist of fate and an awesome tumblr blogger, for books to be even more fantastic than they already were.

I learned what bibliomancy is! It is another form of intuitive divination -- and while no divination is entirely "simple" in and of itself, this one comes just as easily to me as any other form I've tried. (Well. I'm still learning the Runes and am still a bit apprehensive of my ability to read them. I feel resistance; a sort of "Go back to the books, grasshopper," kind of feeling.)
So first thing's first. As with any divination, part of what I have to do is to clear my brain out; that means my self-doubt, my list of to-dos, my random thought processes, or notions of how repetitive college life can be. This, I think, is essential for how I've experienced bibliomancy -- it's a quick reading. (Although just like any other form, it could be complex and take a while to interpret.) I feel like I have to KNOW when to open the book and where to start reading. And I do. But not if my mind's a jumbled mess. (Okay. Maybe it is more often then not, but I SWEAR. I SWEAR I can clear it out at least momentarily.) Next step is for me to focus on the querent's energy (I can write more on that, but it would be in and of itself another blog post) and their question if they had one, and then open the book. There's the whole "what if I'm crazy!? What if I'm wrong!?" thing that might pop through my head, but I'm working on not letting that get in the way. Just open the book and read -- that's all I tell myself. I cannot divulge a lot of information on readings I've done for others, but I can offer a sample one that I worked for myself:

The question was "Will I be in a romantic relationship sometime soon?" (Please, go ahead and judge >_> It was a rather dumb question to ask, but I'm a Pisces. We get this way sometimes.)

I read from my small, gold-leaf pocket version of "The Hobbit" by J.R.R. Tolkien and got this passage:

“The Elven King looked at Bilbo with new wonder. “Bilbo Baggins!” he said. “You are more worthy to wear the armor of elf-princes than many who have looked more comely in it. But I wonder if Thorin Oakenshield will see it so. I have more knowledge of dwarves in general than you have perhaps. I advise you to remain with us, and here you shall be honored and thrice welcome.” — J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

Many things can be interpreted from this reading, but the conclusion I came to was this: Be amongst those who would honor you, even if it's not a romantic relationship as you hope. Your friends are much better company than you think! Time spent with them is more fulfilling than worrying about having a relationship soon with a person or possible people who don't appreciate you or see you as you are meant to be seen.

Much of it is going to be intuitive and the rest is going to be your ability to use the psychic gifts you already do possess. Some of the intuitive part may also come from English-Major-esque things like reading between the lines as is done endlessly in such classes -- and also some of it is throwing the "let's take it all literally" right out the window. Here, I am represented by Bilbo Baggins. The Elven King is the Spirit or Higher Self, ect. Thorin Oakenshield is the people who would be shallow, wrongly judge me or not appreciate me as I should, and the other elves? Well, those would be my friends in this situation.

So in my eyes, the reading was incredibly accurate. It suited well, didn't confuse me. I didn't second-guess myself. This was all done in the span of about six minutes with a clear head.

One thing I learned about Bibliomancy is that traditionally, the Bible or other "holy" texts were used. But like a good tarot deck, the tumblr blogger I told you about earlier mentioned that it works better if you know the text that you plan to use well. What I have on hand that fits both criteria are as follows: "The Hobbit" by Tolkien, "The Prose Edda" and "The Poetic Edda." There's another cool vocabulary term for the day, which I am totally going to look into -- Rhapsodomancy -- or divination by poetry -- it's kind of an offshoot of bibliomancy now-a-days. Books keep secrets, too. But the right kinds of readers can pull even the best kept secrets off of the pages. I hope one day that my own books will be used for such ends.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Sings with Rain - Spirit in Anthro 356

|Credit: [x]|
(I will never -ever- get my homework done this way -- but I wanted to leave this here; which I wrote on Tumblr, in the event that people want to know how cool my Anthropology class actually is.)

Post One: (Last Tuesday, first day of this class)

That awkward moment a professor’s ancestor sits down in the adjacent seat and sings to herself, scares you into flinching, and then it begins to rain… (ANT 356; I swore when I looked over towards her and back up front, aforementioned professor noticed. Either I’m the crazy kid or the one that zones out too obviously now.)
* ANT 356 is Cultural History of the Iroquois, taught by a Mohawk professor.

Post Two: (Tuesday of this week; Third Day of Class)
Like for instance, Automatic Writing while listening to NOT the professor, but his ancestor.

This is all I’ve been able to ponder about all day today…

So here goes.

It occured in Anthro 356, Cultural History of the Iroquois.(Our professor is Mohawk and Seneca among other things — and is what he calls a ‘native scholar.’ [note — he said ‘native’ not ‘Native’ by which he meant he participates in his culture as well as studies/is a professional scholar of it.])
She (the Seneca ancestor) wrote in my book “Only we know us. Books pretend to know us.” in regards to the class as a whole hating on the sassy bits of Dean Snow’s “The Iroquois” intro chapter — which is one of our textbooks. She wrote this four times while I was supposed to be listening to the lecture.

We discussed in depth the creation story; how it differs in art and interpretation through the years. We were taking it from a literary approach and talking about changing with the times and modernized viewpoints of society in general, and how women of certain Iroquois tribes now say that Sky Woman jumped, instead of fell or was pushed. She (who told me I would only understand if she referred to herself as Sings with Rain [because when I met her, she literally sang and it literally rained. And it should’ve snowed here in Oswego at the end of January/Beginning of February, in all fairness, but it rained.]) wrote in my book, “When I told this story, I knew it to be told she fell. Creation is half intentional, half a mystery. Chance.” She wrote “Chance” four times. I might have freaked out the girl who sits next to me in class. She was wearing an amethyst ring. Amethyst, in general, tends to love me and help in this psychic stuff — no matter to whom its allegiance lies.

I get the feeling this class is going to be all kinds of weird. I love the topic — it’s a class for my minor. But I think input and information from spirits (even if this is all UPG my own personal experience) is particularly unique. I don’t know if she will stick around indefinitely — she follows the professor around wherever he goes. I don’t know if he even knows that I know this. But… raise your hand if something similar to this has happened to you? What should I do? What sort of things would be good to ask?

—> Also I’m not trying to be appropriative. I’m in a Native American Studies program in order to learn and to not be an appropriative bitch. But please, call me out if my stories or studies offend. Point me in the right direction. Please please please.

Another Project For Today

It's another one of those super busy days, guys! I'm in the midst of working on O.S.P.A's tumblr page.
But if you want more information on THAT project -- head on over here: [x]

Monday, February 4, 2013

Maybe it's Progress

|Credit: [x]|
I'm gonna ramble on and on again today. Not because anything is wrong, but because this is how I work through what I'm trying to learn. And the more complicated it is, the more I ramble. I hope you all don't mind so much!

So, first thing is first. I'm practicing making my clairaudience (and all that goes along with it) a stronger thing -- something that might be more useful in helping me understand energy a little better, and ect. Of course, it's kind of hard to practice when everything that I read tells me to visualize things. I hear things, sure. But visualization is kind of difficult. I have a bit of trouble getting my head to see trumpets as opposed to hear them. Know what I mean? (Maybe I don't, even.)

I did try something pretty new to me, just for practice. My friends snuck off to do whatever they were going to do since I had claimed I was going to do my homework. (Well, I did attempt that, but I get bored really easily with certain subject matter.) Turns out they weren't doing homework -- they had conglomerated in the other dorm where my one friend lives. So I decided that there was no use in debating -- I just empathetically read him over chat. Well. He had been drinking, so the first thing I felt was this head rush like one two many glasses of mead. I asked if he was dizzy, and he said yes. I asked if he had been drinking. And he said 6 shots of vodka. I shrugged. Seemed legit. I'd be dizzy too, if I was a skinny boy like him.

I spoke to my other friend, and not only did her back and shoulders hurt, she was stressed -- at first (and this is all in seriousness) I couldn't tell if it was that uncomfortable stress from having to pee -- or if it was just homework. (They were drinking -- you know what I mean.) Turns out she was sitting on the floor working on some reading for one of her classes due Monday.

In all, I have no idea what it is that I did -- just made the choice not to be encumbered by that nagging self-doubt. Maybe I harp on about it too much when I write -- self-doubt and all. But the more I push the idea out into words, the less it lingers in my head. And maybe I can progress. Maybe I have already.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

This Time, It's Not What the Cards Say

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(I really liked the idea of posting my Creative Writing assignments to my blog -- the Artist Dates. So here's this week's! Enjoy!)

...Remember when things were simple? It's just a normal question I ask myself from time to time. Today, I walked down Bridge Street to The Fey Dragon, which is Oswego's own store for all things witchy, pagan or otherwise metaphysical. 

I tried to go in with the intention of not spending much money. All things considered, there will be bills to pay eventually, and I can't give up my coffee addiction. Rather, I won't – so on I go, talking with the owner about pagan altar constructions and how certain cultures have closed religions, yet oppressive cultures like our own waltz in and literally steal their spiritual practices anyway. It was an intense conversation, as it always is. I learned a lot, as I always do. Eventually, my friends had their pieces to speak and items to buy, and so I wandered off in the direction of the Tarot cards. 

Only, I didn't buy just another Tarot card deck – I picked up something called an Oracle deck, which is an entirely different thing. And while there could be an entire story all on its own about intuitive divination systems and being on the extremely sensitive end of the psychic scale myself, I'll skip right to the point. 

With my experiences lately, and getting to understand the new decks I bought – I noticed mostly that it's all about overcoming that self-doubting picky little voice in the back of your head – the one that tries desperately to convince you that you're wrong, crazy – meant for the nuthouse.
But hey, when something I “see” turns out true, it might do to pay a bit of attention. I am a psychic. And it doesn't matter what others see when they look at me or listen to what I have to say. However much I wish I had learned this sooner – the fact is: it's really just that simple.

Not Working in Words

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Even art can be used for magic, I think. I saw this image today and immediately thought it would be a great altar curios piece. I love it. Honestly. It reminds me, despite its floral decor, of runes carved on bone. 

I just spent the afternoon studying poetry written by a Native American author. My brain isn't quite up to par with working in words right now -- I really should've thought to write much earlier. I have a lot to think about and internalize, but worry not! I have some psychic rambling to do tomorrow.

Friday, February 1, 2013

Under the Snow

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So, I didn't end up being able to push through the weather tonight to get downtown to the Imbolc ritual. To tell the truth, I've only ever observed it, never really ritualized it at all. Not because it's not an important holiday -- because they all are -- but like my parents who only really celebrate Christmas, I prefer to do an actual, written out ritual for Samhain. The rest end up as merry get-togethers or little mini candle-light rituals, which are a few moments of observation and reflection.

Instead, I am in the midst of studying -- as my blurbs have probably pointed out. Not just for college -- nope. I am working on (slowly, I must admit) reading through "Hands on Chaos Magic" by Andrieh Vitimus, by the reccomendation of a Tumblr Follower, and "Taking Up the Runes" by Diana Paxon, as recommended by a dear friend of mine. For each, I'm not even really ready to reflect on what I've learned -- I need a lot more time during the semester to internalize and put new information in this sort of grouping of categories to use.

As always, my main focus is writing -- from start of the day to the end, I am full of ideas. You're talking to the kid who would stand in the stationary section of the department store or book store until the moon fell out of the sky just because she was deciding which notebook would be just perfect. (Don't even get her started on how much she would spend on pens and notebooks if she had the means. No. Seriously. Not a conversation the parents need to find out about, hehe.)

I find that studying magic in any sense is really inspirational -- not just for my fiction, but it weaves its way into my poetry in the form of curious imagery, or mention of pagan and/or witchy terminology. It is the basis of why I blog. It is what drives me to keep seeking. It is getting closer each day to my tenth year studying, and I still do not know hardly anything. All that is for certain is that I have to keep going -- have to keep learning. I'm at a place in my studies where I can no longer fathom a life without magic. Without paganism. Not that my spirits, ancestors and deities would allow me to back away, cut ties with those things and close myself off and ignore all abilities I have made stronger.

Some people live their lives aiming to be something when they "Grow up." I have no choice now -- I live my life equally as a writer and as a pagan, and I do not give one bat of an eyelash at the future of my career for that statement. I need to be accepted as a whole, not as a part. I need to be happy -- and for that I have to be honest. If I am a pagan and a writer, I can't pretend to be anything else for the sake of a career. It is easy to write every day -- now that I feel empty if I don't; now that if I don't write something each day, my brain would be evicted from my skull for lack of space between the flying ideas and to-do lists.

... Imbolc is happening even if I didn't celebrate it tonight. Just like life is awakening under the snow, I am understanding and preparing myself for the world out there. I know who I am, what I need and what I want -- almost as well as I know those things for my characters. I still have a couple more years to go in undergraduate studies after this semester is over, and then a couple years in graduate school -- but it is not time wasted. It matters not how crazy I make myself, or how much work there is. It's about getting from point A to point B, whatever it is. It's the journey. It's the preparation for the journey -- just like seeds starting to wake up under the snow in the middle of winter.

So I'll keep reading and studying. I'll never stop writing. And we'll see what this year has in store for me.