Attempting to Understand the Secret of Trees

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Today is one of those days where I'm still sitting around in pajamas. I've blogged previously about how busy my Samhain has been, and I'm taking today to recharge and just be creative. One of the things that I keep thinking of was how high-energy the ritual was. I didn't get much sleep between ritual on Thursday and class on Friday. I took in a lot of that emotional energy and couldn't find a way to be rid of it before trying to sleep. That's when it occured to me --

It's really not about getting rid of the energy, per se. It's actually about grounding it. I figure it is kind of one of the secrets of the trees, isn't it? They're rooted in the ground. They never seem to have a problem about all the negative energy out in the world. They are as much the earth as the actual soil is. They represent that everything that once was, still is -- without the trees, would there be soil?

Energy seems to fly around in any given space. Of course there has to be other ways to describe it, but imagine it for a second. Who hasn't been in a space where someone upset or angry made the room seem darker, colder or unbearable? That is negative energy, in my book. In the same way, who hasn't been in a space where someone's laughter or smile lit the entire room and suddenly your whole crappy day was made better? Positive energy.

In the space of a circle, which is blocked off from the rest of the mundane world, the energy doesn't have as much room to bounce around and ground itself out. For example, sometimes during an Esbat, energy will be raised for a specific reason. People figure out really quick how to balance how much of their energy they raise and release or charge an item with. (Too much gives me headaches, which I'll note about in a moment, and too much makes them really tired. We need our own energy to live, too.) I've been in circles with new witches before, and watched some of them figure out their own balance. Some are capable of expending all of their energy, while some aren't capable of raising much at all. It's all fine. The excess that an item, for example, can't or won't absorb -- that is what gives headaches or keeps me awake for more hours than an energy drink could ever. Emotional energies are always the hardest to cope with for me. This is a daily thing. I don't know how to block them all out always. As I grew in my studies, I found a way to block some of them sometimes with shielding -- which I barely understand to date.

Back to grounding energies. I've heard so many ways that grounding can be achieved. A bowl of salt. A bowl of dirt. Direct those extra energies  to a specific crystal, and bury it. Lay on the ground. Eat some food. Water or wine should absorb the energy and then you pour it outside. The possibilites are endless. But all of the above has you rope in a lot of excess energy and direct it through you, which is the hardest part for me. So I want to understand exactly what the trees do. In a perfect world, they have a system of roots that bring them only nutrients that they need and the rest stays in the ground. If I close my eyes and begin to tune the world out, my spirit is rooted, too. Though I walk and move on both planes, below my feet in a moment of rest is an extensive system of spirit-roots that reach far into the earth. What if we had a way to keep hold of our own excess energies? What if we could imagine for a moment that when we release them, we can catch them again and recycle them through our own roots and back into the ground?

Is it ever so simple? It is what you make it, I suppose. I wonder sometimes if understanding energy like this is really a pagan thing, or just how life is. I don't believe it is religious, really. I know it can be, but at the same time...I feel as though some people naturally can do all of this without needing to think about it. Some people are like the trees. They are those around us who are good at letting things go and not being too stressed or too hyperactive. Without even realizing it (or, maybe some do!) they understand the secret of trees  -- the secret to being rooted in the ground at all times. While I envy them, it is only more of push for me to find a way to really understand where to go from here.

Reflections of Samhain

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Yesterday was the day that I personally celebrated Samhain. For half of the ritual, we honor our ancestors and those that came before us and left us. For the second half of the ritual, we honor change and mark our goals for the new year.

I have been speaking to my (living) grandfather about our ancestors lately, with a bit of a focus. On October 29th, it was a full moon, as most of us know. The October Full Moon is called the blood moon -- that Esbat ritual is sometimes a celebration of the ancestors, and letting them know the intent for Samhain. Some celebrate it with more a somber tone than Samhain will have, and sometimes the reverse is true.

Anyway, my grandfather's grandmother, who he called Nan -- visited the circle during the Blood Moon ritual. When she arrives, not only does she buzz, but she also brings with her an overwhelming smell of spearmint -- specifically the spearmint lifesavers. I spoke to him about it and he did indeed bring light to the situation. He gave me her name, which I'll honor here: Minnie Esmeralda Height.

On the night of Samhain, I held a pretty decently large ritual with the members from our on-campus organization (The Oswego State Pagan Association.) Everyone had something to share about ancestors and change. Emotions ran high, I can honestly tell you. Many who are normally much less inclined to do so played or sang music in the circle. We all trusted one another at least for the two-and-some hours that ritual was held.

For my part, I put dried, crushed spearmint on the altar as an offering for Nan. She showed up without having to be asked twice. I invited her, and she showed up. She is the most warm and positive spirit I have met to date. When it was my turn to talk about change, I left the Death card on the altar. (That can be explained in more detail later, but it is a symbol of transformation.) I also pulled out a gift from mon cher; an agate slice that has the Wunjo rune carved into it.

I happened to have had it in my pocket still. Not only does that symbolize a change by means of adding a new friend to my life, but the rune represents joy. For me, joy stems from my decision that I am allowed to just be me without having to change to fit ideals of another. For me, joy is loving me even if there just happens to be that no one is there to tell me they love me. It never mattered to begin with if they did or not. Not so many years ago, I could not love myself. My change is that self-love. My goal that I set is to stop being so nervous and have a bit of courage to speak and tell people what I know or what I think without being nervous to open my mouth.

I had started learning the song "Shadows" by Woodland to sing at the ritual, but it was stressing me out that I didn't seem to know it well enough. Nan whispered to me "Sing what you know, sweetheart." And so I did. I put the papers aside and sang the first song that popped into my head. It was "I'll Follow You Into the Dark" by Deathcab for Cutie, which is a song I just sing sometimes -- mostly to my birds for no specific reason. This song though...it seemed right for Samhain. I sang it, linked at the arms with a couple of my friends who gave me all the courage they could muster. It was liberating. I want my voice to be heard, but I get so nervous about it. I goal to change that. I hope to achieve it.

As the ritual continued on, we went through waves of extreme sadness or pain to extreme joy and relief. I felt everything, as I took a chance and went into ritual unshielded. That night, based on everything that went on, I couldn't calm down. I was awake until just before I had to get up for class, reveling in my reflections.

The best thing, though, about this time of year...I think that would be the people. It's that moment...brief as it seems, when we all are gathered in one place for exactly the same reason, feeling the same sorts of emotions. Hallowed are the days when the veil between our world and the next is at its thinnest. More sacred still are the gatherings of young witches and pagans to celebrate the phenomenon together.

I hope everyone had a stellar Samhain this year.

The Buzzing of Spirits

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I hear ghosts. I'm not sure if that's strange or not. In the normal, mundane world, I have always had very poor eyesight. I think that has to do with why I'm not so much clairvoyant, but am instead clairaudient. Around this time of year, spirits of every sort just decide to up and walk. The veil, as they say, has thinned. It is around this time every year that I question if I am going deaf or if all that buzzing actually are the spirits' energies.

When I say buzzing, think for a moment of an older TV. Remember for a moment the electronic buzzing sound it makes when there is no picture, but it is still powered on. That, my friends, is a very low buzzing of energy. That is the sound I base other things on.

Now, this is going to be fun -- I am explaining to myself how exactly to write this intangible concept for everyone to understand.

Energy is everywhere. People give off energy, as that is a part of life. Things give off energy too; think of gemstones and herbs, for example.

Spirits have a different kind of energy, and when they are around, they too buzz. Each type of spirit (Human, Non-Human, Negative, Positive, Elemental, Tiny, Large...ect) has a different sound to them. Most things are high pitched and somewhat quiet. I find that when spirits try to speak directly to me, they get really loud. If they are just around, they are average or quiet volumes. When I hear the buzzing, I either tune it out if possible, or take a moment to listen. It translates in my head from buzzing to words. Sometimes not all the words will come through, just very strong key concepts. It depends on how the spirit communicates -- ones that do not use speech like Humans do will convey symbols. Some will communicate in a nonchalant, childlike fashion, while others will communicate in very proper "English." I've had full fledged conversations with some buzzing spirits, especially in the last five or so years.

Back to Samhain. The spirits are buzzing, and on the night of the full moon with Hurricane Sandy in tow, they were louder than ever. They are always around, but never so active as this time of year, I'm sure many Pagans would agree.

What I do to make it so I can't feel or hear them for a given time is take a chunk of Citrine and program its energy to block them for a small radius. The other night, one touched the bridge of my nose. You can bet I shot out of bed to get the Citrine and set up the shield. The reason this works for me is because I run on positive energy. I get worn down by negative energy. The Citrine is known to symbolize happiness and naturally carry very warm energy in it as the earth created it. That energy can be shaped and used (yes, by magic) to help against spirits. It's like putting up mosquito netting almost. I can still hear them outside of the small radius of the Citrine, but at least they can't get too close and wake me up (or touch my nose.)

The spirits are buzzing, people. Those of you who can, keep an ear out! Those of you who are inclined to believe, keep your eyes open. There are strange things between this world and theirs -- sometimes it is worth understanding them.

The Turning of New Leaves on All Hallow's Eve

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Halloween Night is the best time, in my book, to begin something new. I have always celebrated Samhain on November 1st. For me, it honors the dead, but it also is the Witch's New Year. It is time once again to turn over a new leaf.

This year my goal is to remember to like the internet. What I mean by that is to really care about keeping a blog. I found out in an side comment that my final creative nonfiction class will require a blog to be kept. I am in the beginner's class at the moment, but I figured that tonight was the night if I were going to put some real effort forth.

In the past, I just blogged to write. I never blogged because I cared about the theme of my writing on it. It was like my actual physical journal, which is another thing that goes untouched unless something important needs to be recorded. This time, my third attempt, I have finally realized that a theme needed to be established. I asked myself, "Self, what is the next most important thing besides writing in your life right now?" I answered honestly, and I quote my answer, "Well, self -- I don't have a boyfriend at the moment, so I suppose the next thing after that would be Paganism." And so the idea was established. Writing and Witchcraft. Combine that with being a Student (and I will always be a student who writes and who is a witch) and now we have some structure to the chaos of a blog that existed before.

I was inspired because in one of my Creative Writing classes today, we covered the material of our next guest speaker who started her blog before her advanced nonfiction class and kept it going through the rest of her college career and now into her professional life. It is still often updated. It still sticks to the same basic themes, with a few plot twists.

Now I understand. My focus is absolutely clear. My roommate even wrote me a reminder sticky note and kindly posted it above my desk:

Aw! How sweet.

Now I have this note, and a tiny spark of will toward the project. Maybe I can think in terms of a work-in-progress instead of my demise or a chore.

And yeah, I do still say that putting all one's effort into a blog instead of writing a book is counter productive and senseless. This is my side project. This will not be a go-to website for all the pagan information myself or my author-y friends will write down in the future. This is about me and my experience with my religion and my craft.

This post was not entirely steeped in witchcraft as my future posts may be, as you may have read, but keep an eye out. Wait and see!